Compelling Feeling

I consider myself a country girl. Outdoorsy. I don’t mind getting dirty, mud on the tires, hiking through the brush… I do not camp. It’s a lot of work and I don’t even like sleeping on a hard sofa, let alone the trampled ground of a camp site at a state park. Here we go though… I’m going camping this weekend. Yep – last weekend in April. It’s very rainy, fairly cold, and the forecast isn’t changing.

Why am I going? Because my cousin, who LOVES to camp, is celebrating his 30th birthday. There are a lot of family (fun family, too) and friends going. It’s also a great way for James Bond* and I to get away for a couple of days without spending a ton of money on hotels, food and cocktails. Of course, recent hikes in gas prices are an overkill on the budget.

I realize whining about it are not going to make it any better. Luckily, there will be plenty of booze, although I probably shouldn’t bring my martini glasses. They may clash with the tent.

*(Yes, break is over. Happier than ever.)

Tags: Camping, Cocktails, Compelling Feeling, Travel

I had an obsession with Bath and Body Works Foaming Hand Soap. I made it a point to drive past the store whenever I went to Target (which used to be a lot) to see if it was on sale. (Love their sale board they put out on the sidewalk!) The soap smelled yummy, like all their products, and lasted a long time. Sometime last year, they changed the packaging. In the process, they changed the pump on the bottle. The soap now comes out runny and more of it. It’s not as likable… not for me. It also runs out almost twice as fast (estimate, no scientific data was collected for that measurement.)

So where does that leave me? A disgruntled shopper. Guess from now on I will only buy the creamy hand soaps and regular lotions. May have to shop around for another foaming hand soap. Until then I am stocked up for another few months from one of their fall sales. Uffda!

Tags: Blogging, Compelling Feeling, Product Review

My days and nights are mixed up. I cannot sleep – then sleep on and off all day. When I do sleep, my dreams are vivid and I don’t want to wake up. Yesterday I had a dream about my grandmother. It was so real and I loved feeling like I was spending time with her. In the dream she was loving and warm, as she always was, but she was also confused (as she was in the last couple of years of her life). It was so very hard to watch someone become less of who they are and not realize it. So now I am having a cocktail to see if I can relax and fall asleep long before 3 a.m.

Tags: Cocktails, Compelling Feeling, Family, loss

 
A couple of fellow bloggers did this in their writings and I thought it was a great recap. {thanks Jinked / Trial and Error} This is just a run down from my mind without digging into specifics or visiting too much of the dark side. So here it goes…

January 2010 – I was dating a bit, but no one too serious, when I reconnected with my first-ever boyfriend who turned out to be the ultimate hobo. I vowed that he would be the last. Guess you have to hit rock bottom to know you have a real problem. Work started to suck – and suck badly. I let go of a friendship I thought would last a long time. Some people just find it more fun to tell stories for attention than care about the trust I put in them.

February 2010 – Received TWO dozen red roses at work from a man who I put faith in because he promised me the world. Three days later he took back the sentiment. I always found a bunch of red roses trite, but now I find them nauseating. Luckily the relationship was never consummated because he ended up being a cheater… and I was the one he was cheating with! Took me many a hours online researching and snooping to realize it was true, even then I didn’t believe it right away. I got pulled in by the wining and dining. Luckily, I never have to see that douche bag again.

March 2010 – St. Patrick’s day was fun. I even had a sober driver which almost never happens. The rest of the month was trying to keep low at work and divide my time between home and the hospital. My grandmother, who lived with me, was hospitalized and then placed in rehab. We got her in a place less than a mile from my apartment. That was a blessing!

April 2010 – Not a bad month, all things considering. Gramma was showing some improvements and getting stronger everyday. I attended the Cubs opener with my baseball family and it was a beautiful day for loaded hot dogs and margaritas. (Or was it hot dogs and loaded margaritas? Either way, Kara and I were loaded.) Attended several fundraisers for an Avon Walk team. It was a perfect spring. Winter breezed right into tulips and daffodils and no late season freezes or snow wilted them off early.

May 2010 – Lost my job at the beginning of the month. Lost Gramma at the end of the month. The weeks in between were spent driving to Hospice care, making sure my mother was eating at least once a day, and making sure we had rum and mixers in the apartment at all times. My materal extended family drove us crazy, but when we came together for the memorial. (Afterward I went right back to thinking I have the weirdest cousins on Earth.) My paternal extended family chose to ignore anything I was going through and sent messages third party.

June 2010 – I ran away from home. Eight days after my grandmother’s memorial I was on an airplane bound for Phoenix with a one-way ticket. It was great. I went hiking with a friend and swimming with the kids. My eight month old twin cousins learned to sit up during my visit. I was pampered and I relaxed for the first time in months. If I hadn’t missed my critters I may not have came back. What was there to come back to? My mother? I’ll just send for her. Made the decision I was moving to Arizona in October.

July 2010 – Went to another Cubs game for Kara’s birthday. Family reunion. Brooke’s grad party. I think I went to Hacienda for cocktails at some point. Started hanging out with an ex. That lasted only a few weeks because it was the same shit, which is I will never be first in his life – even over a nap. Final draw was getting stood up. Had three chances… you’re out hobo!

August 2010 – Organized and prepared to do more with my business even with the move. Started a weekly personal assistance gig, which was great, but finances were getting more and more behind. My ‘creative’ bill paying was starting to catch up with me. Congregated with the old work peeps at a favorite watering hole. Started a new adventure in dating.

September 2010 – Started this blog. House sat. Went to Oprah, Erin’s wedding, Danielle’s engagement party. Had crazy sleep habits. POPCORN FEST! (Fav holiday of the year.)

October 2010 – Attended my first college homecoming as a graduate. (That only took twelve years.) It was great. Within a week or so I made the decision that moving across the country was not feasible without a job there waiting for me… and that wasn’t happening – and not for lack of trying. I was busy trying to find a place to live. James Bond and I were not on speaking terms for weeks. The rest of the month is a blur until the end. The last weekend was good. Paintball and Halloween. What could be better? (Ok, maybe St. Patty’s Day.)

November 2010 – Moved into a new place. It’s great and a blessing on finances, location, upkeep… I love it. House sat for a week, but it was lonely for the first time ever. Spent Thanksgiving with my dad and brother and managed to not growl at my dad – well, not to his face. Started a new marketing gig handing out cookies. Made a new lifelong friend.

December 2010 – The month flew by because I was so busy. House sat for twelve days and enjoyed almost every minute of it. Met up with the former work peeps again. Made it through the holidays with a little help from Santa. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster of a month, but the ups outweighed the downs. Was happy to see the year end and see where the new beginnings will lead.

Tags: Blogging, Cocktails, Compelling Feeling, Critters, Dating, Family, Friends, Hobos, Holiday, loss, Work

My ability to stay on top of social networking is lacking lately. Facebook is still my friend, but I find myself just playing games, checking to see who wrote me and then moving on. Twitter? Do I even remember how to log in to Twitter? Let’s not even get started on the ‘above and beyond’ I vowed for my clients. Lately it’s only been ‘sufficient’.

I believe part of my problem is feeling to want to tell only one person what is on my mind – and that depends on the subject. My hair stylist friend Rachel does not care at 9 p.m. that I think she will like the new color of glaze at the ceramics studio. James Bond does not care I mixed up the serving styles of Bucca di Beppo and Maggiano’s from a conversation we had two days ago. I think of things I said incorrectly or want to share, but not with the whole world. This is not abnormal, just not a positive thing for someone starting a marketing business. I think if things to Tweet and then think, “No one cares.”

A new cell phone is much needed. Hopefully by the end of the month. In two days I will have owned my phone for three years. Also not a calculated move for someone who boosts being on top of current technology. Nearly all the bling that I could not get off my phone has actually fallen off. (I used to change it for the holiday or season, but a year and a half ago I must have bought some bling with Superman adhesive on it.)

I usually don’t make new year’s resolutions, but I think I will have to think about making a goal of reconnecting with cyberspace beyond trapping ghosts in YoVille.

Tags: Blogging, Compelling Feeling, Facebook, Internet, Work